You're my little dorito
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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