I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
