I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
