yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
