Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
