We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
