I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
