I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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