I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
