Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
