he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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