Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm passing your future prison.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
