i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
