Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize