remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
