She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
