Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
