Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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