on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
