Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We smell like vodka and hangover
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