can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
