Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
