Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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