I just pynch a tree in the face
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
