I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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