did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
