Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
