Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
