i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
