I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
