I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He felt like a one man threesome
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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