Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
