so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
