theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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