Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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