Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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