He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You dont lie about slip and slides
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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