Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
