You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're too hungover to prance.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
