Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
