don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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