question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
