OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
