I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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