its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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