yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
