she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
