Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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