you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
