I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
