so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
