Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
