in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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