Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
