So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
