The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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