Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
