Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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