Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
