my vag is so smooth its legendary
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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