Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
