he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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