At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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