I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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