that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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