Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
