To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
