if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
