the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
